The Invisible Threads: How Unconscious Family Loyalties Impact Your Relationships, Career, and Well-being

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a loop? Like you're constantly facing the same challenges in relationships, career, or even your health, no matter how hard you try to change? The feeling of being stuck in our relationships, work, and finances is experienced by many of us on a regular basis. For example, we might find ourselves repeating the same relationship patterns over and over again but with different people. If we look closely, we might even see echoes of the relationships our parents had when we were children, leading to frustration, anxiety, depression, and even chronic stress. We're left wondering, "Why am I repeating the same story?"

In our 20s, we put a lot of effort into pursuing our goals about family, career, and leisure, and we hope that everything works out to our benefit. Thankfully, most of us will accomplish many of those goals, but not without hurdles. Many of these challenges in life, which may seem like inconveniences, can actually be reframed as opportunities to look deeper into ourselves and our family systems. In our thirties and forties, we often encounter hurdles that make us question: "Is this battle just mine, or is there something deeper?"

In my case, I became a widow in my 30s. I was also in my 30s when I realized that I was repeating the same patterns my parents and grandparents did: the early death of partners. This eye-opening experience made me question my unconscious loyalties and entanglements within my family system. I realized this wasn't solely mine, and that I was carrying something that didn't belong to me.

What is Unconscious Family Loyalty?

It's not about blame, but about understanding the invisible bonds and dynamics within a family system. Repeating the fate of our ancestors is very typical. Our brains love familiarity, and we want to desperately belong to the family system. This blind love is reflected in our choice of relationships, the feeling of being stuck at work, or even in not accepting abundance into our lives, causing us to unconsciously repeat these patterns over and over again. These loyalties can be to ancestors who experienced trauma, loss, exclusion, or unfulfilled destinies, and they are passed down energetically, through unspoken rules, and even through shared experiences.

How Family Constellations Can Help

Family Constellations are an important tool that reveal these patterns and loyalties, helping us break free using techniques created by Bert Hellinger and influenced by Zulu traditions. The key is acknowledging "what is" and honoring our ancestors and their fate. This therapy is very helpful for breaking patterns, developing awareness, and choosing a different path.

Family Constellations are a powerful tool to help us break free of loyalties, entanglements, and repeating patterns. Through this work, we can achieve greater clarity and purpose, healthier relationships, empowerment, and create a new legacy.

You can explore more about Family Constellations by visiting our website or by reading books like It Didn't Start with Me by Mark Wolynn or Coming Home by Barbara Morgan.

Have you had experiences with Family Constellations or trans-generational patterns? I would love to hear from you, please comment below!